There's so much I never knew...

The Addictive Personality:
Understanding the Addictive Process and Compulsive Behavior
By Craig Nakken / Hazelden; 2nd edition

Just when I think I'm getting out, they pull me back in! The many aspects of the addictive personality are complex and TRICKY. The chances of understanding how it all works, apart from an excellent book like this, are remote.

The addictive personality that develops within some of us, replaces the "true" self and will go to great lengths to survive, even giving-up one addiction for another, just to remain in control.

I am so glad I read this book. It gives a clear view of what the addict is up against in his efforts to regain control of his life. BONUS! Craig Nakken also discusses the tools that are available and necessary to put the addictive personality in it's place and keep it there.

This book covers a lot of technical information, but does so in a way that is easy to understand, yet still valuable for professional therapists or just folks who are struggling as an addict or someone who loves an addict. There is so much incredible information in these 120 pages, it's not surprising that the book has sold over 100,000 copies. Truthfully, it deserves to be even more widely read.

Maybe NOT...

The Truth About Same-Sex Marriage:
6 Things You Need to Know About What's Really at Stake

By Erwin W. Lutzer / Moody Publishers

I like Erwin Lutzer. I think he is a great speaker and writer. There are, however, several statements in this book with which I must take issue.

First, he starts from the point of view that homosexuality is a choice. I am so tired of hearing the term "sexual preference," as if people could choose their sexual orientation. Nobody who has actually talked to a gay person could actually believe this. I'm sorry, it just isn't true, no matter how much we might like it to be.

When discussing whether homosexuals can change and become heterosexual, he points to several ministries and "thousands of testimonies" from those who have had their desires transformed. He says that gays write-off these stories by saying that the individuals involved were never truly homosexual. Again, anyone who has actually spoken to a gay person knows that is untrue. Gays and other reasonable minded people believe that they are living in denial, not that they were never gay to begin with.

The research overall is sloppy. Lutzer depends exclusively on sources who agree with him and ignores sources that might have a view that is different than his own. Worst of all, he attempts to incite panic and fear among evangelicals over the prospect of legalized gay marriage. He has no proof of the disaster he foretells. Lutzer does not provide documentation from countries in Europe where gay marriage has been legal for many years with no ill effects to "traditional" marriage.

I know that this is a volatile issue and that feelings run strong on both sides of the debate. Unfortunately, this book cannot be seen as help for reasonable people who want to follow Jesus and "do the right thing."

Who is Jesus?

The Jesus I Never Knew

By Philip Yancey / Zondervan Corp.

On the cover of my book is a banner that says, "Voted Best Book of the Year!" Now that ten years have passed since the original publication, perhaps it is time to proclaim, "Best Book of the Decade!"

This is the first book by Philip Yancey that I have read, but it won't be the last. I've read the New Testament many times, yet I had to keep asking myself, "How could I have missed this?" Using the four Gospels as his primary source, Yancey introduces us to Jesus as the original writers saw him.

I am sorry to admit that the Jesus I knew was far too small. I am grateful to Yancey for sharing Christ in an honest and real way that has opened my eyes and caused me to see that he is far greater than I ever hoped or dared to believe.

Oh, How I Love Jesus...

Jesus, the Bible, And Homosexuality: Explode the Myths, Heal the Church

By Jack Rogers / Westminster John Knox Press

The Bible is cut and dry on this issue, right? There is no wiggle room. Jesus condemned homosexuals and said they were going to dwell in the lake of fire prepared for Satan and his angels. It's all there in the Book, isn't it?

The first half of Rogers' book, "Jesus, the Bible, And Homosexuality" actually recounts the historical stand of the Presbyterian Church - USA, and it's forebears, in regard to three issues: slavery, women's rights, and divorce and remarriage. I found the account to be both fascinating and lamentable.

It has only been recently that I have even allowed myself to consider that all that I thought I knew about gays and their sins and their place in the Church might not have been correct. Sometimes it's hard to let go of long-held beliefs, even when they're wrong.

But, praise God! He is able to do what people by themselves cannot. I have no hope in this world apart from Christ and his grace. How, then, could I even consider withholding that grace from others?

Should you read this book? I can't answer that for you. Are you willing to let God show you something that you had not considered before? If you are, this book is wonderful. If you think you already know what God thinks, you probably won't like it much. I'm hoping you'll read it.

2Good2BTrue

Too Good to Be True: Finding Hope in a World of Hype

By Michael Horton / Zondervan Corp.

I'm thinking that this book should be required reading for:

1. Pastors
2. Lay people
3. Anyone who is considering, or has responded to, the call to follow Christ

When I'm out and about, or even just flipping through the channels on TV, I am often confronted by statements that Christianity will "fix" your life. I admit that Jesus has fixed some parts of my life and that my life is definitely better with him than without him. However, we should never tell others, nor should we expect, that accepting the call to follow Jesus will exempt us from pain or trials; grief or temptation. Neither does it carry a promise to make us healthy, wealthy, and wise. "It isn't a technique for our personal therapy."

What Jesus does promise is that we will have trouble and that we will be participants with him in his suffering . So, unless you are some kind of sick person, this doesn't sound too exciting. Why then, would anyone choose to become a Christian?

Horton correctly instructs us that, "The good news that we proclaim is true, not because it works for people in that pragmatic, utilitarian way, but because nearly two thousand years ago, outside of the center city of Jerusalem, the Son of God was crucified for our sins and was raised for our justification. This historical event may not fix our marriages, our relationships, or our messed-up lives the way we would like, but it saves us from the wrath of God to come and gives us new life, hope, and wisdom for our existence here and now, guaranteeing the end of pain at last."

If you've been disappointed with your life (or with God) because things aren't going the way you were promised, this book should be a source of great joy. Horton makes a clear distinction between what God has promised and what (well-meaning, but wrong) people have assumed to promise on his behalf. Hope in God's promises is not misplaced and will never disappoint.

Horton has done a good thing for us all in writing this book.

The Journey Continues...

Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

By Anne Lamott / Penguin Putnam Inc.

This book is a sequel of sorts to Lamott's book, "Traveling Mercies" (TM). I read the first book several weeks ago and the moment I finished it, I got online and ordered this book. I did a little math and realized that it had been ten years since TM was first published and I was dying to know what had happened to Lamott and her son, Sam, since then. While TM is a chronological telling of Lamott's life (ending with Sam's eighth birthday), Plan B is not so linear. Instead it is a series of stories about events or themes in Lamott's life that have occurred over the last ten years.

I was extemely pleased with Plan B for three reasons in particular.

1. The wit and honesty are still refreshing and welcome. (Chapter One is entitled, "ham of god" and is oh so aptly named.)
2. It is evident that Lamott has grown. Her Christianity and faith are not a fluke or an ill-conceived divergence.
3. Like an overdue letter from a beloved family member, this book has put my mind at ease. All is well. Life is not without pain; not without challenges. Still, it is joyful, and fullfilling. These people that I have come to care about, Lamott, Sam, Pastor Veronica (and the other members of St. Andrew Presbyterian Church), Buddy, Father Tom, along with the rest of their friends and family, are supporting and loving each other all along the way... And it works!

There was one other bonus for me. Lamott gives a wonderful description of a wedding. I now include this quote in all my pre-marriage counseling. It is right on the money and so insightful.

You'll laugh, you'll cry and you'll love this book. You might even find the strength to pray for President Bush... maybe even forgive him. I said maybe.

Grandpa's Story, in his own words

Writings of John D. Lee

by John Doyle Lee, Samuel Nyal Henrie / Fenestra Books

Almost thirty years ago I had the pleasure of reading the excellent biography of my great-great grandfather: John Doyle Lee: Zealot, Pioneer Builder, Scapegoat by Juanita Brooks. At the time I was sill a member of the LDS Church and when I finished the book, I got down on my knees in tears and thanked God for my grandpa and my heritage.

It has now been over twenty years since I left the Mormon Church, by my own choice, and when I finished reading Grandpa's last words at the end of this book, I had the same reaction. There is much to admire about the man and I still feel great love and affection for him, though he died almost eighty years before I was born.

The changes in my own life have definitely impacted what I took away from the two books that cover much of the same subject. The story that is most vivid from the first book was when one of his sons approached Grandpa and told him he was in love with one of Grandpa's wives. The wife was much younger than Grandpa. She had been orphaned when both of her parents died of sickness en route to Utah by wagon train. For the sake of expediency, it was decided to marry her to someone who would then take care of her. Grandpa was the man, although I think the girl was only twelve or thirteen at the time.

Grandpa never had sexual relations with her because of the circumstances of their marriage, but he hoped that one day, when she was older, she would want him. Instead, as she matured, she fell in love with one of his sons, who was much closer to her in age. Now some guys might have been very angry, but Grandpa went to Brigham Young and told him the facts. Young annulled the marriage and Grandpa was permitted to perform the marriage of his son to his now-ex-wife. This story, which is not in the book I'm reviewing here, tells a lot about the kind of man, husband, and father that my grandfather was.

When I was a child, I heard many of the oral "family" legends about Grandpa that had been handed down from generation to generation. One was that Grandpa was so trustworthy that he was allowed to leave prison on just his word, while he was awaiting his trial for his role in the Mountain Meadows Massacre. While that's not precisely true, the facts are just as compelling.

John D. Lee was allowed to leave the prison to go visit his wives and children, but only after a $15,000 bond was posted by a friend. Once he was out, many of his friends encouraged him to run from the jurisdiction to safety, as many other participants in the Massacre had done. Grandpa would not do this; first, because he had given his word and second, because he believed he had done nothing intentionally wrong (he believed he had obeyed orders from a superior officer during a time of war).

Unfortunately for Grandpa, he realized too late that responsibility for personal choices, even under military orders, comes with a price. After two trials (the first trial resulted in a hung jury) Grandpa was convicted of first degree murder and sentenced to die by firing squad. His punishment for the Mountain Meadows Massacre was part of the price that had to be paid for Utah statehood (the other part was the renunciation of polygamy by the LDS Church, but that didn't happen until several years later).

I did find it interesting that although Grandpa remained true to the Mormon Church and Joseph Smith, he was convinced that Brigham Young, his adopted father and president of the church, was a false prophet and a usurper and he denounced him as such. He states that at the death of Joseph Smith it was common knowledge among the "saints" that Smith's son was to take over the leadership of the church when he was of age. By the time that happened, Young had solidified his grip on the church and no one dared oppose him.

Knowing this, I wonder why so many in the Lee family would remain members of the Mormon Church. I suppose that if you lived in Utah in 1877, there were not a lot of options. Of course those of us who came along later didn't know about this and if we did, it didn't matter because we had our own "testimony" of the church.

Though the book is over 400 pages, I read most of it in two sittings. It was fascinating to "hear" Grandpa tell his story in his own words.

Scary Christianity

Leaving Church: A Memoir of Faith

By Barbara Brown Taylor / Harpercollins Publishing

I've heard over and over again, in Christian circles, that Christianity is not about religion, it's about relationship. It is easy to say that, to nod in approval, but it is seldom actually lived out. What starts out as a relationship, often becomes religion and we're not even aware of it. We absorb the dogma, learn to talk a certain way, participate in the "life of the Church" and that leaves precious little time to cultivate the relationship with God that we were hungry for in the first place. What are we to do if we want to return to the primary relationship with our Creator? Leave Church?

Maybe. One thing's for sure, there are no easy answers. Taylor, a gifted preacher and writer, with a keen desire to help others, tells us, in this personal memoir, of her own struggles with these questions. We all have to take our own journey through this life. There is no pattern or map. I know some will say, "Jesus is the pattern and the Bible is the map." I don't disagree with that, but making the application to our own lives is not as simple as that statement sounds.

As we move along the path we have to make choices, not always between good and evil. As Taylor points out, the choices are usually between good, better, and best. Knowing which is which, isn't even possible most of the time with our finite knowledge. But that's what faith is for. We trust in God, who is bigger than we are, and nourish the hope that he will lead us. Where he leads us may not be where we thought we wanted to go, but his presence there with us gives life and joy to the journey.

Reading Taylor's story of her own journey gives me hope and faith to continue on mine.

Gay Marriage, Some Thoughts

I'm not terribly sure about many things, one of them being: should the Church condone, acknowledge, and bless gay marriages?

Although the Bible contains half a dozen verses that seem to forbid homosexuality, it also has verses that state women should have long hair and keep quiet in church. I don't believe God cares that much about the length of a woman's hair and I don't believe that He wants women to be silent in church. These seem to me to be cultural issues and not the divine will of God. So is there a chance that gay marriage prohibitions are under the old covenant or that they are cultural issues? I can't say with any absolute certainty what God thinks about gay marriage.

I am CERTAIN of some things:

1. God loves all people, including homosexuals.
2. God wants ME to love all people, including homosexuals.
3. Church SHOULD be a place where everyone can come and meet God and participate in a personal relationship with God and fellow believers, including homosexuals.
4. God can speak to people individually about their lives. He doesn't need me or anyone else to point out people's flaws (either actual or supposed). He is fully capable of taking care of His own business with his children. We all need to learn to hear God better. Church is a place where this should happen.
5. The Church should stand for justice and equality for ALL people, including homosexuals.
6. Forbidding gays to marry is a matter of religious belief, not a political issue. It therefore should be allowed by the government (separation of church and state) and individual church bodies should be free to decide for themselves if they are going to participate or not.
7. Definitions change, driven by cultural use of words. Just because a word means one thing today, doesn't mean the meaning will never change. The word marriage, like all other words, means what our society collectively decides that it means
8. Condemning, lording-it-over people and name-calling are not Christian values and should be avoided (but that's between you and God).
9. The Church in general is not doing a very good job of loving and welcoming homosexuals. We have made them an adversary. This isn't right.
   
10. (This is unrelated to this topic) George Bush needs our prayers. He is the worst President ever and he's destroying American values and American reputation in the world on a large scale. If we don't pray for him, America could take a very long time to recover from his presidency.

Some follow-up questions.

• If the Church decides not to participate in gay marriage, how welcome will gays feel?
• Does the church have less responsibility to welcome gays than straights?
• Are certain "types" of sinners welcome, while others are not?
• Should there be a list on the front door to let people know who is welcome and who isn't?
• Is it better to stare, whisper, point and intimidate the people we don't feel are worthy?
• Are any of us worthy?

Avoid the Pain!

The Cry of the Soul: How Our Emotions Reveal Our Deepest Questions About God

By Dan B. Allender & tramper Longman III / Nav Press

Anger, fear, jealousy, despair. These are bad emotions, right? These are emotions to be avoided at all costs, right?

I discovered a few years ago that I was a really angry person and that I hurt people when I was angry. Solution? Avoid anger no matter what.

Not so fast! Allender and Longman point out that emotions are God-given, a gift from our Creator. And while it is true that our emotions have been corrupted by our sinful nature, they actually have a divine purpose. Cutting ourselves off completely from our emotions will hinder our spiritual growth and short-circuit our relationship to God.

Well that wasn't exactly news I was overjoyed to hear. I have spent considerable time and effort teaching myself to be unemotional. Now I learn that, not only have I been wasting my time, I have been at cross-purposes with God. At least Allender and Longman have provided me with some tools to get myself straightened-out. (I really didn't think I was doing all that great anyway.)

But now I can do better, and so can you. I can let these emotions draw me closer to the Lord and my fellow humans. We have the technology and it's in this book!

Faith and Practice... they belong together

Mudhouse Sabbath: Eight Spiritual Practices I Learned from Judaism

By Lauren F. Winner / Paraclete Press

This book is a pretty quick, easy read... but it could end up taking a big bite out of your current allotment of "free time." That is if you decide that you want to implement any of Winner's suggestions, especially in relation to Sabbath or Lord's Day observances. I admit I am intrigued by her description of Jewish Sabbath practices.

I appreciated her observation on the liturgy:

"Even my friend Meg, who left the too-liturgical Episcopal Church for a praise-song-singing, spontaneous-prayer-praying charismatic church, will, I suspect, discover that she is doing liturgy: After enough time, the rhythm of the praise songs and the (seemingly) spontaneous prayers will become familiar and even routine, a liturgy of its own."

As a Lutheran who is a former "charismatic" I am often amused and sometimes annoyed by people who look down their noses at the liturgy because everything is written down and repeats itself week after week. My own experience has taught me that the free-flowing-move-of-the-Spirit churches can be just as repetitive and more so. After singing the same twelve word praise chorus for the thirteenth consecutive time, I start pulling out my beard.

Thank God for diversity! I have shed buckets of tears in both kinds of services and God has met me and ministered to me in both places. There are positive aspects to each; and there is always danger of spiritual stagnation no matter where you choose to go to church. What you take away from worship will depend in large part by what you take with you going in.

Okay, enough from me... back to the book. I am giving this book four stars. It was enjoyable and it was interesting. It held my attention through its brief pages, but I don't think it changed my life. That is probably more of a statement about where I am spiritually than it is about the content of the book. I agreed with much of Winner's commentary on Christian life and practice and perhaps that's why I held back one star. I pretty much believe what she believes so I wasn't forced to examine my beliefs or practices. We're already on the same page. That doesn't mean that this book couldn't be life changing for someone and I would definitely recommend it.